Diet and Exercise Part 1

I’m by no means an expert,  but expert advice seems to fail people in this realm quite frequently. This probably happens, at least in part, because the experts have an economic interest in keeping you fat. I have no such constraints, plus I’m in pretty good shape so my thoughts might be worth a little bit of your time.

First,  anyone can start a diet that will cause weight loss. It’s called the cut-out-everything-that-makes-your-life-worth-living diet. Leave that shit to the people who get paid to pose for pictures; you probably have a real job.

If you want to be hard core try this diet: no sweets,  no meats, no salts, no malts. Any sugar you need has to come from fruit. No sugar in your coffee, no chocolate bars disguised as health snacks, no flavored yogurt.  Basically,  if you’re opening a package before you eat it you can assume there is sugar added.

Meats aren’t actually that bad, but they tend to encourage over-eating and have high proximity to junk food. Moreover,  you can get more than enough protein from other sources that often come with the benefit of extra fiber (my father’s diet maxim is ‘eat less, shit more’ and he’s in pretty good shape too).  Beans,  for example,  are high in protein and you don’t need a side of mashed potatoes to go with them.

Same with salts. The salt itself isn’t that bad, but the chips, French fries, pizza, and whatever   is going to make you want more junk food.  Many people like sweet and savory together,  and the salt is going to make you thirsty.  Say hello to an irresistible soda craving (see no sweets,  above).

No malts. ‘Malts’ is shorthand for alcohol. Wine   is already out under the no sweets rule. Beer and other liquor are out to.  Some might argue that one shot of liquor once a week isn’t that bad.  On this point I agree, but let’s be real: the odds that you can limit yourself to one drink per week are too low to be relevant. Alcohol is out.

That’s if you want to be hardcore.  I’ve tried it but didn’t last very long. Probably six weeks at most, and probably cheated on the no malts part, and added a ‘free food’ exception. Still lost a few pounds.

Almost ten years later I eat comparably worse.  Today was particularly poor. Aside from breakfast of Spoon Sized Shredded Wheat n Bran my diet was greasy and beer-y throughout the day. I’ll spare you the specifics and invite you to speculate based on my prose. I made an excuse; some bullshit about how other people are taking the day off so it’s cool to have beer at lunch.  This beer was accompanied by a sandwich made of hamburger, onion rings,  and melted cheese (and fries,  obviously). Dinner was essentially the same:  beer,  perogies, and sausage. If i had exercised today my appetite would have handled these meals.

What about the week? Last night’s dinner was good diet for the most part.  Pork chop, salad, and yams.  Lunch was leftovers and fruit.  Spoon Sized Shredded Wheat ‘n’ Bran for breakfast.  With a workout in the middle of the day those meals are exactly what my body needs.

Funny thing is,  my diet didn’t vary  that much on these two days. The biggest food differences were the amount of grease and the beer. Exercise was also a factor but this is Part 1 Diet,  not Part 2 Exercise.

Ok. That’s enough bullshit introspection. Tomorrow has to be better. Skip the pancakes in the morning. Jogging. Sandwich and fruit and raw veggies for lunch. Beef barley soup for dinner.


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